Unenforceable Rules

Dear Readers,

Last week I had some very low, blue days, ones where I slipped back into feeling sorry for myself.

It’s always something simple, in this case another cold. For whatever reason, colds make my emotional balance get off course. Combined with non stop cloudy days, I get moody and weepy. I ache all over and am unable to get to my yoga practice or go on my longer walks. Exercise is imperative for my emotional health.

Then I went on SM, which when I am feeling down, I should never do, as it can trigger my left out feelings, that I still struggle with from time to time. I long to be included in some groups, but I will always be on the fringes. Most of the time, I can accept that, however when I am sick, I get stuck in the poor me mentally.

By focusing on my hurts, I make myself a victim, and hold an unenforceable rule. The rule I try to make happen, even when I have no power to make it happen is, “Everyone I know must invite me to everything.” (Just even writing this makes me giggle.) By telling myself this, I create a grievance story.

“A grievance is created when we take a normal life event that is painful, make it very personal as opposed to something that just happened, and then exaggerate how personal it is. Then we practice this pattern over and over, and forget that there are other ways of looking at the same situation.”

(I wrote a post about Grievance Stories, here.)

I also know there is a real connection between getting sick and low moods. I know because I googled it! Lol When I feel better, I am able to process things, and let them go faster.

This is how I got unstuck from those low moods.

I got out and walked a little bit when I could. I went to dinner with friends, and had coffee with another. Even with my low energy I did what I could. I went to an all day yoga conference, where I only knew a few teachers, but met wonderful souls, and had some wonderful experiences. I reached out to my Twitter friends on the #recoveryposse, and discovered there were others feeling low.

I read more from my favorite book, Forgive For Good, by Dr. Fred Luskin.

I reminded myself that I am so loved, even by the people I wish to be included with! I also reminded myself to look at the rules that I think everyone needs to follow, and realize we each operate under our own set of rules. My idea of a friend is different than your idea!

On the day of the yoga conference, my spirits soared. People were so open! I tried tribal yoga, and had a gong sound bath. I hugged many people all day, most of them strangers.

Yesterday, after Mr. UT and I went for a long walk, and stopped for a dessert and coffee, my balance was restored. Feeling much better from my cold, I know these feelings, and I know they will pass.

With Mr. UT bugging me to hurry up so I get to yoga,

On Day 1972,

Wendy

PS – I tried the silks, but that photo is not me! I got sick to my stomach going upside down! LOL

31 thoughts on “Unenforceable Rules

  1. Pleased you lifted your mood. You’re in winter. That probably doesn’t help with your mood plus being sick. Virtual hugs to you.
    Look after yourself. Like the photo of nature and the fence posts as well as you and hubby.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. To think of happy, positive Wendy having a bad mood strangely lifted my spirits. If Wendy can have periods like this then we are all susceptible and that means it’s not so bad to encounter them oneself. Glad things feel better and you writing about it put my one day blip this week in perspective. Thanks for sharing. Jim x

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Lol!
      I told Mr. UT I know people think I’m happy all the time! I mostly am, but there are times like this one. I just can’t get stuck in them, or I won’t get unstuck! Lol!
      Thank you, Jim!
      xo

      Like

  3. Thank you for sharing your nonstopcloudydays journey, Wendy. You give such great insights into how one very perceptive, loving person stabilizes herself in difficult days, and your ability to communicate this out to the rest of us is very rich. I particularly loved ….. your articulating what a part of you believes, that everyone should invite you to everything always. We all have TONS of those quiet beliefs and it’s so eye-opening (and relieving) to hear ourselves say it. Byron Katie helped me start to see how embedded I am in beliefs. It goes so far beyond what we typically think of as “beliefs,” and so quickly goes into the world of the strange and crazy. And comical. I also liked the taking-it-personally quote. That also goes way deeper than the “oh, don’t take things so personally” that we may get told. We take way more things subtly personally than we realize. It’s not about us! (except when it is 🙂 ) So glad you got outside moving and to yoga and to coffee….. sending hugs, Adrian

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Adrian. When I read that belief out loud to my husband I couldn’t stop giggling! Saying out loud made me see how silly this can be! I did a bit of Kate’s work, but I might go back and revisit it. It popped into my head yesterday as well!
      xo

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  4. Hi Wendy! I could really relate to so many things you said here. I also want everyone I know to invite me to everything😁. And lots of other things you said so beautifully. Thanks for sharing. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Always know that you are loved by a lot of people on SM. Many of them won’t ever tell you directly, but you bring light and joy to so many of us. That said, it’s okay to not be okay. We all have hard times. Being sick sucks. I’m constantly amazed by your bravery and honesty.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Oh the belief that I should be invited to everything, even things I don’t really want to attend!!! 🤦‍♀️
    Interesting to read about the rules we create and then the subsequent events we over personalise. Not something I’ve looked into much but I definitely do it, all the time xx

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Glad you’re feeling better. Ah, the grievance stories! Such a worn out plot and yet we tend to return to them, especially when we’re not at our strongest! Xx

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Hi Wendy,
    As always, thanks so much for sharing. February is a doozy of a month. I’ve read it’s the coldest in your part of the world and the hottest in mine. While you were freezing, we are saying ‘it’s too bloody hot – 40 tomorrow – that’s about 100 in your measurements. We long for cloudy weather let alone a little rain.
    And you are right about illness and moods – strong connection. It’s just I forget all that when I’m sick and then I become a grumpy bastard – all woe is me. I’m slowly getting better at acknowledging it is what it is and to admit I’m unwell, rest when I can and be kind to myself. As you mentioned, this too shall pass.
    Thinking of ya and cheering you from a sun drenched land.
    BB.

    Liked by 1 person

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