I never know when an idea or a thought I want to write about will pop into my head, but often times when I play Candy Crush Soda! It’s like a meditation for me, as it’s mindless and pretty! LOL
So today, as I was playing my game, I had an “ah ha” moment. I have just returned from a Big Adventure, my yoga retreat in Florida. I realize, that when I travel alone, my trips are less about the activities and more about learning how to be mostly comfortable in social situations.
Meeting people and how to navigate the world.
In the past, drinking did help with social anxiety, until it didn’t. Making small talk, asking questions, listening, is quite challenging at times, even when I’m with good friends!
It’s especially hard for me as I can’t hear well, and I can miss much of conversation. If there are jokes, or more than one person talks at a time it can be a challenge. I still try to be funny sometimes, which doesn’t always work, and I can be very hyper, and other times just quiet. I never know. I had one hard time, where I said something rather dumb, and got so upset. I don’t know why, but I think it has to do with shame. I instantly felt shame. I hate the feeling of shame.
Airports are incredibly hard to hear in, and so I have to ask other people when they call my gate. The TSA people are pretty good, but sometimes they get annoyed if I don’t get the directions! They yell for me to get out of the machine where you have to put your hands up, when I stay too long.
I know that I am dependent on Mr. UT, which isn’t bad, just something Mr. UT and I are both working on, he is teaching me how to do the household finances, etc. When we turned 68, we started to realize time is short, and chances are he will die before me. So he is learning to wait to do things with me. (It doesn’t help he gets up early and does everything before I’m awake!)
Learning to navigate the world alone would not be my first choice. I like having someone I love to share adventures with me. Or having a friend to share the memories. I met another friend I only knew from Twitter, and I just love her. She woke me up in the morning so I could get to yoga with her. (As I can’t sleep with my cochlear implants on, I can’t hear alarms.) Now we have memories to share!
My trip was wonderful, as it was very well planned, and all the people I met were very nice! I am already thinking of where to go on my next big adventure!
With Dreams of Palm Trees,
But Wearing Mittens, it’s below zero here!
On Day 2709,