|A Tree I Found on a Walk|
I used have so many problems with binge eating, especially when I was younger. I went to OA for a while. I also consulted a doctor who was a compulsive eating specialist. He wanted me to check into his program in the hospital and stay. I remember I was so angry that he made such a snap judgement after only knowing me a few minutes, and I did not go back.
My weight has been up and down my whole life. In college, I gained a lot of weight due to developing hyper-thyroidism, which usually causes weight loss because your thyroid is over acting. In my case, I couldn’t sleep and compulsively ate chocolate all night.
I had an operation, to remove the thyroid, and then lost some weight. Hormones, my monthly period, and diets, all had me gaining and losing over the years.
I had so much hate for myself when I gained weight. I used to hit myself when I thought I was too heavy. I could not accept that I was fat. I felt ugly.
Two years ago, I developed terrible insomnia, and found myself night eating, or I should say, night binging.
|Trees are Beautiful!|
I would be awake almost all night, and eat bags of chips, ice cream, cheese, peanuts, anything and everything. I was so tired, I had no resources to say stop.
I went to a sleep psychologist who helped me immensely, and my sleep, although not prefect, is much better.
However; I am still finding myself night binging when I can’t sleep. So I have been gaining weight.
But there is a difference.
Recovery has helped me love myself, in a healthy way. So although I am not happy with my night eating, I no longer have that intense hate for myself.
When I was drinking, and over eating, over working, I did not know how to care for myself. Now, I am learning.
|The Root of the Same Tree|