From Dark to Light

Dear Readers,

It is now dark, cloudy and cold here in Minnesota.
And yet, I can see the light.
I feel a shift, sense a blessing, know that things will be all right.

Drinking made me think and act in dark ways. 
Uncontrolled crying, depression, resentments, lashing out, running away, trying to commit sucide.
Those were dark and scary times.
Scary to me as well as to my husband.
My friends and family rarely saw this side of me, if ever.
I hid it well.

This was on a steep trail we walked.


Sometimes, as I read other blogs, I am reminded of my dark days.
As I tell some of my story to newcomers in a meeting, I am reminded of my scary times.
I am reminded that if I drink again, those dark times will come back with a vengance.

I stay sober today for the simple reason, I am happier.
My life is better.
I have made a better life for everyone around me as well.
I am way more content.
I have everything I need.
I just need to protect and cherish what I have, and that is the love of my husband, family, and friends.

There are still days I am down, or lazy, tired, and crabby.
I am human after all.

All Dressed Up for a Gala!

But now I am living my values.
I value people. I value helping. I value nature. I value kindness. 

It’s Friday, and it’s another cloudy day.
I got a sweet text from my hubs, talked to a friend, and my sister.
I will make the bed, and go to yoga. I will smile at all I meet, becasue I value smiles and love.

With a Light Heart,
On Day 1,155
Wendy

PS – My breathing has been much better, and I am ever so thankful.
I went to see a lung specialist, and had all the possible tests I could.
His findings were, I do not have asthma, emphysema, or scarring.
My heart is good, too!
I am thinking it might be allergies, as I can breathe again, now that we have had frost here. 
Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers!
I love the blogging world!

18 thoughts on “From Dark to Light

  1. Thanks, Wendy, for bringing light! This time of year always feels like an inward turning for me. The darkest part of my struggle with addiction happened the winter of 2007 into 2008. I find myself reflecting during this time of year, as you do in this post. Thanks for your wisdom, your voice, and your experience. Keep shining! -Jake

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  2. This year I don't feel worried about the coming darkness and short days. As a SAD sufferer I normally feel a very sudden shirt in mood but not this year. I am glad you are doing so well and looking at things with a positive slant. Always good to read.

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  3. Hello from Texas. I found you through my research for grad school. I am in a Clinical Mental Health Counseling program. I am interested in how AA helped/helps you. I lived outside the Twin Cities (my husband is a MN native) for five years and loved the change in seasons. Thank you for sharing your journey. I am so happy that you found your way to a better life. Kind regards from TX.

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  4. Hi Wendy! So relieved to know you're better. Finally after turning back the clocks we have morning light again. If I had to choose, I much prefer light at the start of my day- but I'm a morning person. Tomorrow on 11/7 I'll have 5 glorious months of sobriety! Amazing. Thank you for your presence here as it makes more of a difference than you'll ever know. ❤

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