It’s been a long week. Fighting a cold, having many doctor appointments, and learning to hear is tiring. Now being tired is normal. But I get mad about it. I think I shouldn’t be tired. I think I should be able to go and do everything even if I am sick.
That makes no sense. LOL
I think I don’t want to miss out on something, or that I won’t live up to my or other people’s expectations. LIke writing this blog. If I don’t feel good enough to write it, then that’s ok. But I feel guilty.
Or going to yoga. If I don’t have the energy to go because I am sick, then I should rest and not go. But again, I feel guilty.
If I have to cancel a lunch date, I feel as if I am letting other person down. The guilt comes again! This kind of guilt is so useless. It doesn’t help me change for the better. It just makes my life harder.
Unrealistic expectations and misplaced guilt led me to drink. I couldn’t accept I was a normal person. I had to try to be perfect. Which as I am learning, is not possible. This is where I need to learn to let go of my tight hold on life. To learn to be an average, normal person.
And so, the only thing I need to do today is take care of myself.
(Luckily for me, my Loved One takes care of himself!)
(Oh – and I do apologize for this imperfect post! LOL)