Escaping Victimhood

Dear Readers,

Mr. UT is making dinner, as he does every night, and I am writing. We are still walking almost every day, and we actually ate in a restaurant and had pancakes! I will be flying to see a friend in Arizona next week! I am a bit nervous about flying still, but I want to get out and try it, as I am fully vaccinated and so is my friend.

One of the best things I have learned, and am still learning in recovery, as well as from therapy, is how to stop feeling like a victim of life. Life didn’t choose me as a special someone to give problems to. It is just how life is. Everyone has many things happen to them or to a loved one, that they have no control over.

Instead of asking myself, why me, I am now asking, what can I learn. I know this is common in circles of self-improvement, but it really has been an important part of my own growth to be a more joyful person.

I am a product of my upbringing, my own personality, and my experiences. This helps me understand my past choices in life, but it doesn’t have to dictate what I do or think now. It’s up to me, as an adult, to study and learn how to change bad habits or patterns. I do not blame my parents, nor do I blame myself anymore. I have always been hardest on myself.

My deafness and the resulting depression, was a turning point in my growth. I cried for hours, days and months about my inability to hear words, jokes, and especially music. Good therapy and hard work helped me accept this new reality. I learned how other people who had some horrific experiences, or people with physical limitations, overcame the “poor me” mindset. I noticed they really put things into perspective, and saw a much wider view of life. They grieved, but then put their energy into what they could do, or on helping others cope with similar experiences. They often put their energy into actions.

Some of my tools are acceptance, self-compassion, gratitude, and giving. I accept that this is life. I may decide I want to change something I am doing, but blaming other people, or blaming life, keeps me stuck in the problem. Wishing I had done something different in the past, is fruitless. It gets me nowhere. Keeps me in the “poor me” mindset. The past is done. I can learn from it, but not dwell there.

Self-compassion helps me forgive and love all of me. The good and not so great parts of me. This Wendy is ok. In fact, she’s rather funny! Older and cuter!

Gratitude and giving go hand in hand. The more I give to other people, the more grateful I am. And the more grateful I am for all I have in life, the more I give. I have been blessed with a good upbringing, good schooling, loving friends, family, and husband, and wonderful doctors and surgeons who helped me with my many medical problems. How happy I am I have cochlear implants to help me hear speech!

Life is all of our everyday moments, not just the happy times, but the sad, bitter, sweet, and hard times. Be gentle with yourself. Hold yourself with gentle hands. Hold yourself with love.

A Poem for You

Like a flower that holds a bee,

Like the forest that holds a bear,

Like a tree that holds a bird,

I hold you with a loving prayer.

*

Like the eye that holds a tear,

Like the lake that holds a fish,

Like the cloud that holds the rain,

I hold you with my loving wish.

*

The joy you give me each day, 

I capture and hold to my heart,

Like the sun that holds the warmth,

I hold you with my loving arms.

*

With the Smell of Bacon,

On Day 2425,

Wendy

21 thoughts on “Escaping Victimhood

  1. Dear Wendy,

    Thank you for your beautiful, honest writing, once again. I have written to you here snd there over the years, and I just wanted you to know how valuable you’ve been to me and my sobriety.

    I’m in Oregon, the drier southwestern agricultural part, staying with me brother snd sister-in-law as we figure out next steps for my stepmother who is rapidly declining into dementia. The situation is sad, but my biggest challenge is the negativity my brother and sister-in-law have. Everything is bad, unfair, fixed against them . . . . Goes so against the work I’ve done in AA and what I’ve learned from people like you.

    So, thank you for a perfectly-timed, beautifully-written, evocative post! I needed it. And it arrived. Life is good.

    All best wishes to you and the Mister.

    Jeremy

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Jeremy!
      I still have to fight against this mindset at times, but I don’t keep myself there!
      Too much energy being negative!
      Thank you so much, and congratulations on your continued sobriety!
      xo
      Wendy
      PS- I understand the dementia situation. It’s very hard. ❤️

      Like

  2. Wonderful post and so true! That’s awesome you are flying to meet up with a friend! Just what is needed after a year of this pandemic! I hope you have a blast! I always love your pictures and you are super cute! 😍

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Deep, important things to remember. Have a great trip! Enjoy the bacon! I mean, veggies. Nice Caribou shot 🙂 Nice selection of photos. Still life with donut turkey and frog.

    Liked by 1 person

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