Are You Hiding Your Drinking?

Dear Readers,

I don’t often write about drinking, because I usually write about how I deal with life as a sober person. However, I felt compelled to write about the topic of hiding drinking problems.

As most of you have probably already read or seen on the news, that drinking problems and alcohol abuse, have greatly increased over the course of the pandemic. This seems especially true for women. This makes sense, as women are home more, and the stresses of children, job loss, and more, make it easy for women to reach for an easy “fix” to the stresses.

Unfortunately, the health issues due to binge drinking and alcohol abuse among women are rising as well.

When I was drinking there were several questions I had to fully face, ask myself, and honestly answer in order for me to move ahead to stop drinking. These are just a few of them.

Are you hiding your drinks or drinking?

In my early drinking life, I was going to happy hours, and having some wine or beer on the weekends. However, as my drinking progressed, I was sneaking drinks when Mr. UT was gone. I was “preloading” before a party, or insisting that we go out to get a drink before we went to dinner. Later, I’d buy those little bottles and hide them to drink when I was alone. Now I see young women hiding their drinking using “mommy” juice bottles. Normal drinkers do not do this.

Women seem especially prone to do this, partly because of the shame that comes with this addiction. I know I was ashamed of my drinking. I also hid it because by that point, I was addicted. I needed it.

Has a loved one or family member, or a friend, told you to cut down, or stop drinking?

Most of my friends and family did not know I was having problems, because I hid it from so many people. My husband told me often that I needed to stop. I finally realized he was telling me this, because he cared about me. He cared about our marriage. It wasn’t because he was trying to take away my fun or control me.

Is your life really better with drinking? Is your family happier? Or is the pain of drinking more than the pleasure you used to get?

I used to have some fun times drinking. I had not crossed over to having a problem for many years. The trouble was, I didn’t know that I was slowly increasing my drinking, partly using it to cope as teaching became harder. When I became addicted to it, alcohol soon caused more problems than fun. Mr. UT and I were fighting about my drinking. A few friends and family members realized I was struggling. I would cry more, and worry about getting a DUI. I would drink way too much at dinner parties and have to call the hostess to apologize the next day. It got to the point that drinking was causing a great deal of pain for me and Mr. UT.

Once I finally admitted I had a problem, I stopped for a while, but I still hoped I could moderate. I went back to hiding my drinking for several years.

What I finally realized is, I was only hiding from myself.

I was hiding from the truth. I was hiding from the light. I was hiding from people that loved me. I was hiding from a new way to live. It was scary at first. But day by day, I learned new ways to cope. If you have a problem, just take a giant leap of faith, and reach out and tell a trusted friend. There is better way.

If you have not read my story, you can find it here: Why Did I Stop Drinking.

With Much Love,

On Day 2387,

Wendy

PS – Photo is from several years ago when were able to travel to Arizona!

25 thoughts on “Are You Hiding Your Drinking?

  1. hmm…no i never hid my drinking,…in fact i believe i flaunted it…i guess as sort of a f*ck you to the world..as i have said before i didn’t really started drinking heavily until age 43, so i kind of missed that rebellious stage due to an early start with parenting and such..it was almost like “i didn’t get to party as a teen or in my twenties so now i deserve that time”…and i actually had learning to drink on my goal list at the start because i was such a light weight. It didnt take long though and it lasted 10 years before i even addressed it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, yes. I was a party woman, too!
      Thought I was so funny. I was going to add that for some people, they hide in plain sight. I did both.
      Hugs, and I’m so glad you are addressing it now!
      I too, started drinking heavily in my 40’s.
      Hugs!
      xo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Loved this post. This is one of the things that stops me from starting again. I used to take secret sips/gulps in the kitchen on an evening when drinking with my hubby. It felt compulsive, like I had no control over it. So glad I dont do that now.
    Also like you, the amount of times i had to say sorry to a host. I had to leave my friends hen do at 9pm bc I was so wasted. Great post ♡♡

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I can so relate to so much of this. I really had to realize my husband wasn’t trying to control me, he cared. I was causing unneeded arguments. I was hiding drinks at one point and sometimes my hubby would find them and get so mad. I would tell him the only reason I was hiding them was because of the way he acted towards me if I drank them in front of him. I blamed him for my actions. Took awhile to wake up and change that! I love our relationship is back to what it was now. I walk out from the bedroom every morning and he says “Good morning dear.” It’s endearing.
    You always inspire me!!! 🙌🏻

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The hiding and scheming is part of what I keep in the forefront of my mind as I try to stick this no-alcohol life. Over my five years of trying to firmly stop I have seen up close how instantly the scheming returns if I start drinking again. How late in the day can I drink and have it be gone from my breath by bedtime? Toward the end of my “real” drinking years ago I realized I could put anything in my thermos — no one could see down in there. You know where THAT went. So yes, the hiding. I also, more and more, see how my drinking was specifically an effort to hide, otherwise known as to be peacefully alone. Push everyone out. I was long aware of the irony that after one drink I was pushing my own self out. There I was, alone with not even the real me. I’m trying to peer into that urge to be alone and find out how I create the solitude I need for real. Thanks for your post and happy spring……

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Adrian!
      Great comment! I am way more introverted than I thought, and loved being alone at the bar doing my lesson plans.
      Now I realized I like to be alone sometimes!
      Yay to spring!
      I think it’s FINALLY HERE TO STAY!
      xo

      Like

  5. Thanks for sharing Wendy! I flaunted my drinking for many years like Lovie – last woman standing etc then up for a run in the morning pretending to be invincible! The last years I would drink before I went out so I could have enough, then stopped going out much as I could drink more that way. When I did go out I’d leave early and drink when I got home – I wasn’t enjoying anything very much at all as it was all about the alcohol. I’m so glad to be free from that prison now 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh yeah. Unless I was with a confirmed group of over drinkers, I would drink reasonably at the party/dinner but then get a bottle of wine when I got home so I could finish the job in secret. I’m so glad I’m not doing that anymore. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Really thought provoking post Wendy. I did a bit of both .. I was a ‘drinker’ and almost proud of it for a while. Good time girl, likes a drink etc etc. Then I started to hide a glass behind the toaster in the kitchen because I’d said I wasn’t going to drink that night and so it goes on …
    When I began to call into a bar on my way home from work to the station, sit alone and have a glass or two before heading home and not tell my husband, I knew I had a problem. Secret drinking (similarly with secret eating) is an absolute red flag and really should not be ignored.
    I am glad you made the decision to give yourself freedom and a wonderful marriage with Mr UT. 😊🤗❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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