The Softer Side

Dear Readers,

I’ve been struggling with binging on food at night. Anything can trigger me, especially salty foods. Sometimes I even hide food from Mr. UT. I wake up feeling bad. I have had struggles with binge eating ever since I had hyper thyroid disease in college. Most people lose weight with this disease, as your thyroid goes on overdrive. For me it was just the opposite. I gained many pounds, because I’d sit up all night binge eating anything, especially chocolate.

After my thyroid was removed, I lost weight, but the binge eating stayed.

Of course with the COVID-19, it seems even harder. We “eat out” on the weekends, but once I start having some take out meals, I only want more.

I am not alone. After I reached out on Twitter, many people responded saying it is a struggle for them, too. I take comfort in their words of support.

Every time I feel bad about myself, I realize it’s because I am my harshest critic. Each time, I have to mentally stop my thoughts, and replace them with a different message. Softer thoughts. Ones that tell me I’m doing the best I can.

“Be softer with you. You are a breathing thing, a memory to someone, a home to life.” – Nayyirah Waheed

What does it mean to be softer with myself? It starts with self-talk, talking to myself as I would a good friend.

It means to hold myself with gentle hands. It means to accept that I am only an imperfect human being. It means acceptance that my body is wiser than I think. It means loving acceptance of life.

I am also going to think through the end of the eating binge, like I think to the end of the bottle, if I think I can have one drink.

I am getting out and walking about three miles everyday, or riding my bike, which is glorious! Mr. UT has been hard at work on replacing the deck! He is multi-talented!

“Today, let this be a reminder and a permission slip to love and nurture yourself, may your self-talk be kind, patient and forgiving.  May your pace be gentle, your breath slow and full.  The next time you look in the mirror and see this marvelous creature blinking back at you, allow love and acceptance to wash over you as a parent feels for a child, love for every quirk and freckle, for every atom and attribute.” ~~ Tamara Levitt

With Soft Petals of Love,

On Day 2077,


The quotes above are from Women for Sobriety’s weekly message.

35 thoughts on “The Softer Side

  1. Hug.
    It is a struggle and I have definitely gained weight.
    Some days I get annoyed with myself. Others I note that I am fortunate to have it so good that eating too much is my main problem.
    Part of it is my son and I watch tv every night together. He’s 17 and can eat anything. So we do.

    Mostly I think I should relish the connection.

    Sigh. I trying to move more and make slightly better choices. Strawberries instead of ice cream, etc.

    One thing I am finding is I’m shifting from…omg Life is temporarily different and I’m eating to cope, to my new work location is home. My new exercise location is home. These are good changes, and they are long term. Let’s make them work.

    If I have learned anything it is that all change is a process and part of it is recognizing behaviour and accepting it.

    We hopefully have many many days to figure it out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I seem to be able to motivate myself to bike ride, and walk. Harder for me to motivate to do my yoga using my on-line teachers. Luckily, Mr. UT is supporting me in not having my favorite foods at home, which helps for sure. Making slightly better choices is good for me, too. Also, using “just for today”.
      Thank you, Anne!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Definitely can relate needing to be softer towards myself. I can be brutal for sure. I have faith you will be able to navigate the direction you want to go. It’s interesting I often too compare how I was able to leave alcohol behind when wanting to stop other habits.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think we are all just searching for some relief from all this heaviness, and we usually don’t gravitate towards the healthiest coping mechanisms. Sending love and strength. I’m glad you’re being kind to yourself. That’s exactly what you need to do. Sending love and strength.💕😘

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It is so difficult right now. I too am reaching for the chocolate … every night. I was giving myself a hard time but then decided to give myself a break. Plus you are out walking and riding your bike. Try not to feel guilty and definitely be softer with yourself. We are all fatigued and running on empty. Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. What a wonderful post Wendy! You are beautiful and inspire me so much! I’m so glad your not too hard on yourself and I needed that reminder as well. Hope you have a wonderful day!
    Ps- Love your deck and your happy hubby!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi Wendy. Yay, we are finally in the same time zone:) What a lovely post but sorry to hear you are struggling. I find myself craving chocolate daily too. Ugh! What seems to be working is fasting from dinnertime to breakfast. Not always easy but doable most nights. Also taking our long walk after dinner helps. Hang in there! Your deck looks great BTW! I think our hubs were separated at birth lol.
    Hugs, J x

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I can’t believe I’ve only just seen this post now (I wrote one on the exact same theme today)! I completely empathize and know how all this feels and 100% agree with you that gentleness, “softness” is the way out of this habit, which unlike what we think, does not come from lack of control but TOO MUCH control 🙂 Sigh. xxx big big hugs ❤ Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Both of the quotes you shared are so beautiful, thank you! I am very early in sobriety but remember reading somewhere that food addictions are the hardest because you still have to eat SOMEthing (unlike not ever needing alcohol). I wish I had something encouraging to say… I appreciate you sharing about it and also the deck looks amaaaazing! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Such a beautiful post & exactly what I needed to read tonight! I’ve been being particularly harsh on myself lately so this has been a wonderful reminder to be kinder to myself. Thank you for sharing 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  10. hey there,
    great and inspiring post. i really felt it. because i have been there in those shoes. i would just add that keep up the good work and keep inspiring.
    thanks to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Hey Wendy! I haven’t seen a post from you in a while and hope you’re well over there. I hope you and Mr. UT have been having great outdoor adventures around our lovely metro! Sending hugs. xo Adrian

    Liked by 1 person

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