I’ve been struggling with binging on food at night. Anything can trigger me, especially salty foods. Sometimes I even hide food from Mr. UT. I wake up feeling bad. I have had struggles with binge eating ever since I had hyper thyroid disease in college. Most people lose weight with this disease, as your thyroid goes on overdrive. For me it was just the opposite. I gained many pounds, because I’d sit up all night binge eating anything, especially chocolate.
After my thyroid was removed, I lost weight, but the binge eating stayed.
Of course with the COVID-19, it seems even harder. We “eat out” on the weekends, but once I start having some take out meals, I only want more.
I am not alone. After I reached out on Twitter, many people responded saying it is a struggle for them, too. I take comfort in their words of support.
Every time I feel bad about myself, I realize it’s because I am my harshest critic. Each time, I have to mentally stop my thoughts, and replace them with a different message. Softer thoughts. Ones that tell me I’m doing the best I can.
“Be softer with you. You are a breathing thing, a memory to someone, a home to life.” – Nayyirah Waheed
What does it mean to be softer with myself? It starts with self-talk, talking to myself as I would a good friend.
It means to hold myself with gentle hands. It means to accept that I am only an imperfect human being. It means acceptance that my body is wiser than I think. It means loving acceptance of life.
I am also going to think through the end of the eating binge, like I think to the end of the bottle, if I think I can have one drink.
I am getting out and walking about three miles everyday, or riding my bike, which is glorious! Mr. UT has been hard at work on replacing the deck! He is multi-talented!
“Today, let this be a reminder and a permission slip to love and nurture yourself, may your self-talk be kind, patient and forgiving. May your pace be gentle, your breath slow and full. The next time you look in the mirror and see this marvelous creature blinking back at you, allow love and acceptance to wash over you as a parent feels for a child, love for every quirk and freckle, for every atom and attribute.” ~~ Tamara Levitt
With Soft Petals of Love,
On Day 2077,
The quotes above are from Women for Sobriety’s weekly message.