|My Grandma and Me!|
It’s finally spring in Minnesota! No more winter photos!
The best thing about spring for me, is that I can hear birds and frogs with my cochlear implant. When I was going deaf, I lost hearing all the bird calls. Hubs would say, can you hear that? No, I’d sadly shake my head.
But now birds and frogs are my music!
They have songs I do understand!
I think that is why I love walking outside in the woods and by our lakes so much rather than going inside with the man-made noises!
I have been approved for an implant in my other ear, and I am excited to get it. I have to meet with the surgeon first, and it’s a long process.
I know I am ready this time, and it will only be so helpful for me!
I have been reading many blogs, and talking to people on twitter, about the early days of sobriety.
To be honest, I have no idea how I got through my first months sober.
My experience is different from other people’s, because my second month sober, I had my cochlear implant operation, and went into a deep depression because of that. I couldn’t hear at AA meetings, but went anyway.
My memory has never been good, (except when it comes to food), and so I am digging back deep to remember.
I was retired then, and I stayed close to my house those first months.
I didn’t start blogging until day 26, and my early posts make me cringe a bit.
However, writing my feelings were key to helping me.
I needed accountability so I slowly told family members and close friends, and finally just told everyone.
I only met friends at coffee shops at first.
It was not easy. I still carried the romance of drinking around with me. I missed it so much when hubs and I went out to dinner. I pouted. Dinner parties with good friends who still drank were the hardest. I felt as if I were missing out.
To be honest, I still can occasionally, but now my rational mind knows that is not for me anymore. I let the thoughts go.
Hubs tried to understand these feelings, but he couldn’t really.
(He stopped drinking to support me, which really helped.)
It took so much faith that life would still be fun sober.
It took the act of slowly letting go, surrendering that I could not drink.
It took courage.
It took honesty. No more hiding.
It took day by day thinking and doing.
I walked a lot, and took photos, which was my hobby.
I looked to people who had more sober time, and how they were loving life now.
I had to stop fighting.
|Hubs and I! We really are this happy!|
I looked at my human traits that no longer served me, and I am letting them go a bit at a time. (Self-pity, loneliness, and laziness are a few.)
It also took time. Sober people often talk about not quitting before the miracle happens, and it’s true! I really think it took me three years for my body and mind to heal from the drinking, going deaf, and my implant. And now?
Everything is better!
My depression is not as deep, and is very manageable.
My anxiety only comes up for normal things, and is also manageable.
I am calmer, less reactive, more grateful, happier, and able to manage stressful situations better.
I am free from worries of driving drunk, of arguing drunk, of falling down, of all the guilt and shame.
I have peace of mind.
I still don’t think of forever when it comes to drinking.
I just choose not to drink today.
With Songs of Cardinals and Robins,
On Day 1328,