I am on a roll here, using complete sentences again. I did find it easier to read my own post.
As I struggle to learn how to hear with my implant devices, I find I am fighting against the devices and myself. I waver between being frustrated and angry, and acceptance. My implant processors (what I wear on my head) are not perfect ears. Things sound funny, and they don’t work in all situations like I want them to. Music sounds gnarled. I am permanently deaf from the operation in my implant ear.
I get mad. I want to hear perfectly. Then after crying and talking it out, I come to an acceptance. I try to reach an understanding with myself. Things will be different. When I look at what I can hear now with the devices, I am still so happy. I know time and patience are my helpers. As my brain adjusts, so will I be able to “hear” more.
Now when I was first trying to stop drinking, I went through the same feelings. It’s kind of my MO! (LOL) I got mad. “How come I have to stop?” “Why do I have this problem?” “How come I can’t drink like normal people?”
Now, slowly, as time passes and with patience on my part, I am coming to an acceptance. Things will be different. When I look at my life before and after I stopped drinking, I am happy. It too, like my new hearing will be the new normal.
Now I know I’ll go back and forth sometimes between anger and acceptance. Things aren’t just all rosy at once for me. I grow in fits and spurts, a little up and down. That’s who I am.
Today, I am at a place of peace and acceptance. Both with my hearing and my drinking. As a wise yoga friend told me once, “It’s all good.”