“There is no joy without sorrow, that in fact it is the pain, the suffering that allows us to experience and appreciate the joy. Indeed, the more we turn towards suffering, our own and others, the more we can turn toward joy.” The Book of Joy
There has definitely been some suffering here, physical and emotional, and in fact is on-going as I write. Yesterday, we signed up my 96 year old mom to get hospice care.
Here’s the story:
We were able to go to a family wedding in Wisconsin, which was a very joyful, happy occasion, and I was so grateful to spend time with family members.
During the reception, my 96 year old mother had called us saying she couldn’t breathe and was throwing up, so we sent her to ER, as she was up in Minnesota.
Unfortunately, on our way home from the wedding to the hotel, we were in a major accident. (So happy we don’t drink!) Another car pulled out in front of us, while we were on the highway, and we t-boned him.
We were not badly hurt. The people in the other car were ok, too. Mr. UT has some whip-lash problems, and he is getting some help with that. Our car was totaled, left in Wisconsin.
With the help of my wonderful nephew and niece, we were able to fly home, and get our car cleaned out.
We picked up my mom from the hospital. It turns out her heart is failing. That causes a host of other issues, with her kidneys, and swelling in her legs, and shortness of breath. The doctor insisted we get hospice soon.
She is struggling to breath now. She went from zipping down the hall, to having to stop several times to get to breakfast. I can’t believe this decline happened so fast, but it did.
So, my mom is scared and anxious. I am sad and anxious. Mr. UT is sad, but is focused on getting all the paperwork, insurance for our accident squared away, looking for a car for me, and on and on.
“If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death, human life cannot be complete.” Man’s Search for Meaning by Vickor E Frankl
I am not sure what meaning to make of these things. I am not sure what life is calling for me to do at the moment, but to help mom and Mr. UT. I can say I find gratitude in everything.
I am grateful we found my mom a good place for her to live, where she has made some friends, and the people are so kind. The hospice nurses are wonderful. She’s lived a long life, with many good memories.
I am grateful Mr. UT and I are not badly hurt from the accident, and that we have insurance.
I am grateful I was able to attend the wedding with my family.
I am grateful my broken elbow is healing. I can get my own clothes on now, and can use my arm to wash my hair.
I am struggling to keep my anxiety from going haywire. Feel a bit depressed, but working hard not to let it get worse. Writing is so very helpful to me. Even though I have solved no problems by writing this, it gives me pause to keep life in perspective.
Life happens to all of us. We are not alone. I have reached out to freinds, and family who help me by understanding. Mr. UT isn’t a “ask for help” kind of guy, but he has me. LOL (Not much help, but I tell him I love him everyday.)
With Immense Gratitude to All Those Who Help,
On Day 2568,