I am reconnecting to my writing. I have missed it, but felt such a void of thoughts and words, I really had nothing to say. So many people are suffering in so many ways, that anything I think of to say or write seems trivial.
My emotions have run all over the place. I’ve had few days of intense loneliness, as Mr. UT and I have tried to keep as safe as we can to not catch the virus. I miss being able to travel, to go visit my family, to go to my yoga classes, to see people, and mostly I miss hugs.
Several times I have wished I could drink. As always, I tell my Twitter #recoveryposse friends, and Mr. UT, to help me let those thoughts go.
What has sustained me through this time is faith, perseverance, giving to others, and gratitude. I have faith things will work out. Maybe not in the way I want it, but it will be all right.
I have a strong sense of perseverance. Having survived other hard things in my life, I know I can survive now.
In serving others, I have been able to continue volunteering making kits with Naloxone at home, and those kits are being used daily in Minneapolis.
Gratitude is the foundation of my strength. I am incredibly grateful I have Mr. UT in my life. He has made life so much better for me. I am grateful for all I have, and I have plenty. I have more than enough.
Self-pity does not serve me well. I might muck around in it for an hour, but I always manage to self-talk my way through it. (I can’t look older and cuter with self-pity, either! LOL)
Right now, I am living in the present moment, just looking at today. Mr. UT and I make plans each night for the next day. Walking, bike riding, canoeing or golfing is high on the list. We love being outside together!
Now, Mr. UT is a miracle man. He is way more productive than I am, so he will get up early and have the laundry done before I am half awake! He brings me coffee every morning, makes dinner, fixes anything that needs fixing, grocery shops, washes windows, and more. I told him he is making me lazy! I love making the bed, and straightening the house each day. Little things make a big difference.
I have finally felt comfortable to have a friend or a couple come over to sit outside on our deck, which has helped with loneliness. I have gone for a walk with a friend.
Here is the secret I am learning. Every human contact I make, I try to make it joyful for the person I meet. I smile at everyone I walk by. I wave. I try to say something positive or funny to any grocery clerk I meet. The other day I went into a clothes store, quickly to return something, and I got so emotional seeing a person! I just told her I was so happy to see her today! She told me she was so grateful to hear that message from me. It was a brief, but heart-felt connection.
Yesterday was my birthday, and I found an outdoor yoga class I could attend. I know this beautiful teacher. I brought Hershey Kisses to pass out to everyone! Only 2 people wanted some, the rest were yogis and wanted carrots I think! I, on the other hand, ate so many I got sick at night! Yet still managed some ice cream!
On a Blue Sky Day,
On Day 2158,