|Fall is here!|
Hubs has been retired for three days, and it seems very normal for hm to be here. It’s really nice in the morning because he brings me coffee!
Yesterday he washed all the windows!
(Oh look! I can see the street now! LOL)
Recovery meetings can be intense, as people share some hard things in life.
I am often humbled at how many men open up about some past things that hurt them so much.
Last week, I came home questioning if I wanted to keep going to my home group, as I sometimes feel too perky.
This week, I told them I hope I wasn’t too perky, but I am hope I am spreading the message that there is joy in recovery. I also said I get extra animated after a couple cups of coffee!
No one said I should be quieter, so I am glad I spoke up!
Even some guys who always seem gruff, said they were happy I was optimistic, so I will carry on being Wendy!
I have noticed that many on-line friends are struggling with shame, and therefore struggling with staying sober.
|Hubs found these wild grapes!|
Many writers have done a beautiful job on defining the differences between shame and guilt. I learned the most from Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection.
I had to move through feelings of shame when I humiliated myself in public. Once I showed up very drunk at my yoga studio, and they had to take away my car keys and call hubs. I was crying and out of control, the teachers had to calm me down, and it was a nightmare. Other yoga people saw me as they were coming into class.
It took all of my strength, to go back to the studio two days later and apologize to everyone who had helped me, and I also apologized to the manager.
There were several other times I felt so much shame about something I did while drunk.
First and foremost, I had to learn the difference between shame and guilt. Feeling guilty about driving drunk is okay, because it keeps me from driving that way again.
But the feeling of shame I felt, because I was drunk in a public setting, was not helpful to my recovery.
I then had to forgive myself. This I learned by reading all I could about self-compassion.
Yes, I had done some stupid things while drunk.
Yes, I had hurt my husband. But that only made me human. I was a good person who was in the hold of addiction.
Yes, I made amends to people.
|Hubs and I on a night out!|
Yes, I read and learned how to embrace all the things I used to hate about myself.
Yes, I let time pass.
Yes, I help other people by volunteering.
Yes, I learned lessons from my mistakes, and worked hard to do better.
The shame lifted, and although I can feel it a bit if I think too long on those times, I know I am okay.
Hold yourself with the love you would give a friend, a loved one, a child.
Sometimes, I put my hand on my heart, and repeat the following:
I love you.
I am sorry you are suffering.
With Coffee and Clean Windows,
On Day 1490,