Hope

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Dear Readers,
Addiction is tough. It kept me lost, and in denial for many years.
I refused to believe I had a problem. I refused to believe that I couldn’t moderate.
I refused to believe my husband who told me I had to stop drinking.
Even after having to go to the hospital after drinking all day, and passing out, I refused to believe I had a problem.
Even after coming home drunk, falling down that stairs, I refused to believe I had a problem.
Even after falling down at a broadway play, I refused to believe I had a problem.

I am not sure why one day I was able to stop, why one day I was sober for another day, or why one day I had hope.
I had hope I could keep going.
I had hope that things would get better, that cravings would stop, that I wouldn’t feel so strange at parties, that life would seem less difficult.

I had hope that I could find the pieces I had missing inside of me, that I would find my way back to Wendy, or discover a new part of me. 

And these things are happening. 
I am finding my way back home. 
I am no longer in denial, and I have hope that each day something good will happen. 

I have met so many people who are in recovery from both drugs and alcohol, and each one of them teach me something, each one shows me what hope looks like. Their lives all have hope, an expectation that things will be okay. They show me what hope looks like, even when things are overwhelmingly hard.

They take life as they do recovery, one day, one moment at a time.
They teach me that hope and gratitude go hand in hand. They are so grateful for all they have even if they have little, grateful for all the good things that happen in a day.

I have hope now. I had lost that when I was drinking. 
There is hope for everyone who is struggling. 
I often hear people say, “We can and do recover.”
I see that every day. I read blogs that show me this every day.

I close with this quote, from a poet who writes children’s poems, one I often read to my students when I was teaching.

Listen to the mustn’t, child. 
Listen to the don’ts. 
Listen to the shouldn’t, the impossibles, the won’ts. 
Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… 
Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” 


With Hope, Love and Gratitude,
On Day 1,087,
Wendy
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Published by Untipsyteacher

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63 thoughts on “Hope”

  1. Thank you Wendy for a lovely post. Indeed, hope and starting to be able to deal with things instead of being reactive, I am starting to see both of these appear in my life. :-)I am very impressed how you deal with your physical difficulties. I'll be sending lots of good vibes to the Universe for you. xx, Feeling

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  5. Wendy, you are so strong:) Love how you handle life. I hope your surgery goes well:) I'll be thinking about you and sending you super good vibes!

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  13. Wendy….i am praying for you for dec 2 and get so much joy from your hope and your story!You are friggin awesome girl!!!!!!!!!Love alwaysLisa

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  15. I'm happy to hear the father in law weekend move went well and most importantly is over. I still imagine that the older I get the less problems I will have, yet here's a man in his 90's still facing extremely difficult decisions. I hope my kids don't make decisions for me while drinking. Sober is such a lovely gift to your husband and father in law. I know Julie Andrews has faced a tremendous amount of grief at losing her singing voice. I'm glad you are reading the works of Helen Keller too.You are such a beautiful example of being strong & sweet and such an inspiration. I am always excited to see your blogs pop up and I can see what you have tackled next. Lori

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  17. You attitude is amazing and inspiring Wendy, I know you're in good hands but will be wishing all the best for your surgery. Sending hugs your way. x

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  21. That looks so lovely from the picture. You inspire me lovely Wendy. You will be most definitely in my thoughts on Dec 2nd. You are often anyways. I know I haven't been around much of late but I do think of you all that way in the US.Happy Holidays xxxx Claire

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  22. I'll echo those who are impressed with how you deal with your physical issues. I fail on this – when I'm not well it is a spiral downwards and I do very little to help myself, so I then feel guilty etc. etc.Always like a message of hope – I hope to be more hopeful

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  29. Wendy, I read this on my phone so didn't get to comment until now that I am coming back for a reread. I love what you say here. Hope is so important to us in recovery. I do think it's what I was losing altogether when I returned to drinking again. I really admire how you are able to draw on your strength and look to the beauty in what I know are some very difficult things to get through. I'm glad your father-in-law is safe now. And I'm glad you are feeling hope and trust as you prepare for your upcoming surgery. (I worry I am becoming my mother when I way this, but just the same: ) I will say a little prayer for you on the day. Thanks for being such an inspiration and support! xo

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  33. Love this post. Hope is so important. Hope is what got me in recovery. Hope for a better future. Hope that I can achieve my dreams and have the life I really want. This post reminded me how far Ive come from having no hope and no ambition. To having faith that thing will work out and my dreams will come true. I need to stop doubting, things have always worked out so far, some way or another. I need to remember that and I'll be way happier. Thanks for sharing.

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  39. Hi Wendy, Hope this gets to you, I couldn't figure out if you had a direct email address, I think you're a day behind me but I wanted to get in early and wish you all the best for the 2nd. I'll be thinking of you. xx

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  43. Always lovely to read your posts dear Wendy. From where I stand I am thinking all your hope came true: you foundare finding the pieces missing inside and your my way back to Wendy. I am happy for you. :-)xx, Feeling

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  49. Yeah, same here. Well, about me that is. 🙂 All people I know do more with their life than I currently. I trust at some point I will get absolutely bored with what I do (not do) and the scales will tip. Or not. Currently into juicing again, this makes me feel good, next thing what happens is that I start reading again, and shut down the computer at a decent time. What would a woman who loves herself do?xx, Feeling

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