Sobriety and Marriage

11th Grade 

Dear Readers,
On Monday, it will be Mr. UT’s and my 41st wedding anniversary!
That is a LONG time! In fact, we met in 11th grade, and dated steady for 7 years until we got married!
(Well, except for 2 weeks in college when I broke up with him to date Peter, then decided life really wasn’t greener on the other side!!)

I told hubs I don’t even remember when or where he proposed to me! (He just shakes his head, knowing I have a very short memory except when it comes to food memories!)

When we were young we did not have much money, and yet we had a lot of fun. Camping trips, driving trips, little things that created a lovely life. We rented a little house and painted all the rooms in these brilliant colors. We loved that little house. (Except for the mice.)
When we had a fight, I’d run over to my grandma’s house, a block away and my grandma and I would discuss the problem with men!

Our Wedding Day, A Long Time Ago!


We certainly had some very hard times during our marriage.There was a move to another state, where hubs found a job, and I fell into a deep depression due to losing my social support. I couldn’t find a teaching job right away. I thought I wanted to leave my darling husband. I wasn’t able to have a child. My depression was bad at times, and that often clouded my thinking. (Even writing about these times makes me feel the sadness.)

There were also so many wonderful sweet times. Times of love and joy. Times of travel, house fixing, bike riding, skiing, just plain fun. Mr. UT helped me in my classrooms, building shelves and helping me organize! There was much laughter in our house, as Mr. UT is very funny!

When I look back and see how we made it this far? Sometimes I am in awe!
We just never gave up. No matter what happened, we fought for our marriage. We had basically grown up together, being high school sweethearts. We had to learn, to compromise, to adapt, to change. We had to love unconditionally, even when this seemed so hard to do.
We also fought for each other. I wanted to protect my husband from all the bad things that could happen, and he supported me during all of my ups and down times and health problems. 

When my drinking became the biggest elephant in the room, we still never gave up.
It was a “we” effort, because truth be told, I am not sure I could have quit without his support. He stopped drinking when I did this last time, because he saw that I could not have alcohol in the house. It was too tempting.

Now, on the eve of our 41st wedding anniversary, and on the eve of coming up to my 3 years sober, we truly have found peace. Our love now is so strong, I know there is nothing that can break it. 

Perseverance, some stubbornness, willingness, surrender, forgiveness, honesty, and love and laughter. 

And Now!

These words are the words that hold our marriage together. 
I love you, dear husband.
Thank you for watching out for me, caring for me, providing for me, and loving me.

On Day 1,078, 
Wendy

34 thoughts on “Sobriety and Marriage

  1. Wendy! Great post and I LOVE the pictures. We celebrated our 31st anniversary on Wednesday (8/16). We were joking about how long that is and being thankful that we grew up \”together\” rather than growing up \”apart.\” I think you know what I mean! It's a long time! Aren't you proud? I am. Mr. UT is obviously a wonderful person; I'm happy you have each other! Congrats! HD (Hearon)

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  2. Congratulations. You exemplify the reality that a relationship takes work and effort and tears and forgiveness.Sometimes I think people are so busy looking out for themselves that they forget to care for others.Thank you for the reminder.Love to you bothAnne

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  3. Wow that is fantastic to read. Today too many people plan the wedding not the marriage not realising how much work is needed in learning and growing together. All that aside, you guys seem to genuinely wholeheartedly love and respect eachother so that must be a major factor. Congratulations to you both.

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  4. Just incredible. What a milestone! My wife and I want what you and Mr. UT have. So it's great to hear a bit of how you did it. I believe you on the not easy part. I had no idea how hard marriage would be. But posts like this remind me that it's all worth it.

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  5. a brilliant read, in times of struggle i.e #recovery, its the negative memories that tend to rise to the top first. So hearing your story and the obvious love that propels you through your adventure is heart warming and inspiring. (I'm coming up on 30 yrs next week) @spenomatic

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  6. Congratulations on your three years of days and three years and six months of nights! Love the blog, and I'd forgotten all about that Silverstein poem. I'm going to steal that (after a decent interval).Bill (whatmesober.com)

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