I just am so thankful for this on-line healing community.
Thank you for your support. I know if I post something here, I have a world of people holding my hand.
I truly love all of you for sharing your strength with me.
My depression has lifted, and although I am still sick, I feel un-stuck and ready to go!
I am so thankful for my hubs, who loves and cares for me in a way I can’t even describe.
We met in 11th grade of high school, and dated steady until we got married.
That’s a long time of loving.
I thought of this topic for awhile, and wondered what held me back from getting help for myself sooner.
Of course, my biggest obstacle was denial.
I wasn’t that bad. I felt it would be horrible to be labeled an alcoholic. To be honest, I think some of that came from watching my dad’s alcoholic behavior, which was not pretty.
Another huge roadblock for me was the fun/social aspect of drinking.
I felt that I was funnier, had more fun, and was invited to more places drinking.
That is something I did not want to stop.
When I was teaching, Friday nights were big drinking nights. I would have too many, sometimes starting at happy hour, and then lying to hubs and having a lot more at home.
Why? I needed it to relax. I deserved it. How else would I de-stress from the week?
This too held me back.
When I dug down deep, I thought of another obstacle…my ego.
I really felt superior to non-drinkers. I thought they were religious nuts or were boring.
This was hard for me to admit.
I think some of my drinking was a rebellion of sorts. Like a teenager, I said you can’t make me do anything. I’ll drink if I want to. I refused to see reality.
At my AA meeting the other day, a woman said:
PS – Prim has a good post about willingness, and you can read it here!