Being Ready

Our Christmas Photo!

Dear Readers,
I was thinking about why I was able to stop drinking.
I think it all comes down to being ready because I didn’t want the pain that drinking brought me.
All the tools in the world didn’t help until then. 
I had tried to stop before, but I wasn’t really ready.
I had to want to stop.

The pain of drinking became too much:

My depression was worse.
Hubs and I were fighting about my drinking. 
I started having blackouts.
I was driving drunk, and in constant worry about getting home safe.
I was crying.
I was falling down sometimes.
I felt shame when hubs found all my hidden bottles.
I felt ashamed of myself.
I had thoughts of suicide while drinking.
I went to yoga drunk.
People I knew saw me drunk in situations that embarrassed me.

In recovery language, I guess you would call this my bottom.
But whatever you call it, it was just too painful to keep drinking.

Now, I can honestly say:

I still suffer with depression, but it is very manageable.
Hubs and I now fight about who feeds the birds, or how to sort the laundry.
I have no more blackouts; I wake up knowing everything that happened yesterday!
I am driving safely, not putting anyone in harms way.
I cry only over real problems.
I fall down only when I run with my socks on the stairs.
My feelings of shame have left me, as I am not hiding anything.
I have no thoughts of suicide.
I am going to yoga with all my muscles intact, and I do need them all!
I just don’t feel embarrassed anymore, except when I talk too loudly sometimes. 

I can make myself miserable over other things, but they pale in comparison to how miserable I was drinking.

Today, I choose not to drink.
I choose peace of mind.
I choose life.

With Much Love,
On Day 852,
Wendy