Looking Good, Feeling Strange

Dear Readers,
Last night, I must say, I looked great! 
Cute little dress, little black boots, bling!
Went to a dinner party with my dear, dear friends.

So blessed to be loved by these beautiful people.

Most of the time, I didn’t even entertain the thought of
They are drinking.
Yet,
As more bottles of wine came out,
Sitting right in front of me,
I started feeling almost a panic.
A feeling that they are having more fun.
Like I don’t belong here.

Now I KNOW these are MY thoughts.
No one else cares if I am drinking or not.
In fact, these dear friends want the very best for me!

I do struggle with social anxiety.
I LOVE beng invited to parties!
But sometimes when I get there,
I find I struggle with feeling I am different. Trying to make conversation.

I think drinking helped me in party situations.
It helped me to lighten up.
It helped me to feel a part of the party.

Most people who have stopped drinking say this gets easier in time.
I hope so.
I really do.
Because this morning, I’m a little sad.