On the Fourth of July, I was 22 months sober.
I realized that day, that my thinking has slowly been changing.
I used to say I stay sober because I have to…now I realize I stay sober because I want to.
I want the peace of mind.
I want the freedom.
I want the better life I have now.
I am creating a new life that I know would not have happened if I was drinking.
I am volunteering for a woman who runs a small non-profit that gives money for recovery programs and support. I have been searching for a volunteer position, but I could’t decide on one. I kept myself open to new ideas, and when I heard this woman in my meeting talk about her job, I knew this is what I wanted to do.
I have been gently pushing myself out into the world, finding ways I can connect to people.
Meeting people for coffee has been the best way for me to do this.
I can hear people better when I meet with them one at a time.
In my last meeting, a man was crying, and after the meeting I asked him to go to coffee.
We have gone to coffee once before, but this time he was visibly upset.
He suffers from depression and is very lonely. I understand depression and loneliness.
And so we just sat and talked, he cried, and I listened.
I also am finding I am laughing more. My friend and I went “coffee bar” hopping and we laughed so much! I am also more relaxed when I am with my drinking friends at dinner parties, and so I am having more fun!
My yoga community continues to be a source of happiness for me.
I am learning to be gentle with my body, and I am learning to modify the poses.
Although I can’t go everyday, I have made friends with some of the people here.
I am finding more people who are in recovery, yoga teachers included.
A yoga teacher announced her 3 years in recovery on FB, and I know of several other yoga teachers who are sober.
I find so much support all around me.
I have been golfing with a friend once a week, and with hubs on the weekends.
I am not very good, but I continue to play, to be active, and to connect with nature.
I have learned that for my depression to lesson, I cannot stay home all day, unless I am in a very strong place. Otherwise, I must get out of the house.
I need support of other people to do this, but I am learning that because I am stronger than I think, I can support myself, too.
I finally bought flowers for my deck, and it is such a joy to wake up and see the lovely colors!
I also bought a bug!
Hubs thought I was a little bit nuts, but he hung it up for me!
I love Mr. UT so much!
With Flowers and Bugs (Mosquitoes included),
On Day 673,